There are a lot of positives to being a child. There’s the boundless energy that you may tap into every day, and there’s the lack of adult responsibilities, freeing you up to do whatever you want with your time, like playing endless video games from sunrise to sunset.
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It’s a part of life you truly don’t appreciate until it’s gone, as I miss the days when I could play a game from start to finish without life getting in the way. But, one thing that did get in our way as kid gamers was those pesky age ratings on the box, acting as a bright red flag to our parents.
This meant that a lot ofgenuinely standout games of the erawere forbidden in our respective houses, and while you can go back and play them now. To an extent, these games were ‘you had to be there’ moments.
So, to rage against our oppressors, we want to look back at some of the best games of yesteryear that we weren’t allowed to play.
To clarify, we will only be including games that are at least 18 years old, because if you’re not an adult now, you may still be living through this. Plus, only one game per franchise will be represented.
Looks Can Be Deceiving
Conker’s Bad Fur Day
This one just about slips onto this list, mainly because a lot of less-informed parents would have been fooled by the kiddie-looking visuals of this cult classic platformer. Plus, it was a Nintendo product, which has always been the kid-friendly seal of approval.
However, if your parents ever stopped by your room and caught wind of what was going on in this game, they would have quickly confiscated your cartridge without a second thought, as this game is pretty damn naughty.
The game has it all.Sexual themes, alcohol abuse, swearing in abundance, and some of the crudest and on-the-nose toilet humor of all time. Including but not limited to a boss battle with a foul-mouthed, singing poop.
But, it also happens to be one of the finest N64 platformers on the market, mirroring the gameplay of classics like Banjo-Kazooie. It was a truly magnificent mascot platformer, even if Nintendo wasn’t all that keen for Conker to be their mascot.
Kill Or Be Killed
This won’t come as a surprise, but you’re going to see quite a few Rockstar games on this list. However, of all those listed, I think the most outright controversial one they ever produced was Manhunt.
Unlike their other games, where there were layers and nuance to the violence and debauchery, Manhunt is literally a game where you’re living through a snuff film. Provided you may get to grips with survival horror elements in a hurry.
The game was essentially a catalyst for movies like The Condemned and Death Race that would come later, casting you in the role of a death row inmate who is spared only to be hunted for sport.
While it was one of the most gritty and unsettling games of all time, from a critical standpoint, it wasindisputably a fantastic stealth horror gamewith a palpable atmosphere. An acquired taste for sure, but it was far from a game that ‘created murderers’.
7The Suffering
Innocent Or Guilty?
The Suffering
Let’s double down on inmate-related horror, shall we? Next, we have The Suffering, which is a game that literally casts you in the role of a convicted murderer. So, really, you’re only continuing what the main character Torque already started.
This game was a no-go for most parents because of the harrowing imagery baked into the bread. As every enemy in the game was a visceral depiction of different execution methods, like beheadings, lethal injection, and many others.
But, alongside that, the combat was brutal, and the subject matter and narrative were deeply traumatic and affecting. Making this one a surefire way to give kids recurring nightmares.
But, to play devil’s advocate, it’s also one of the most criminally underrated horror games of all time, and a brilliant game that warrants you dusting off your PS2 right now.Or, you know, maybe an emulator. I’m not a cop, do what you have to do.
Give ‘Em A Purple Nurple!
As a parent, you spend a lot of your time teaching your kids how to behave, socialize, and maintain a sense of decorum in the hope that when you send them off to school, you don’t immediately get a call from the principal’s office.
So, allowing your kid to play a game like Bully, which essentially acts like a guide on how to do exactly the opposite, is pretty ill-advised. However, even if the logic checks out, it still sucked not being able to jump into this top-tier title.
Bully wasn’t just another classic Rockstar sandbox. It was a school life simulator, allowing you to play a sort of vigilante hero as you stood up for the little guy and effectively bullied the bullies.
But, naturally, that message was buried by the media, and the game was vilified by parents and schools everywhere as a glorified bully simulator. Which, I guess it was, but that’s a little reductive to say the least.
5Silent Hill
In My Restless Dreams…
Silent Hill
There tends to be a pretty strong correlation between successful horror games and titles that are detested by parents. Mainly because there tends to be a lot of unsettling imagery, demonic themes, and violence that goes beyond anything other genres can cook up.
This is perhaps why Silent Hill was placed on the metaphorical dartboard,as this game ticked a lot of those boxes. As much like The Suffering, Silent Hill used terrifying enemy variants to represent various forms of trauma.
Plus, you also have the presence of a religious cult, which is always bound to get the god squad up in arms. Not to mention the classic Silent Hill fog that never allows you to see the terror coming.
The only upside for kids is that a lot of the deep psychological themes will likely go right over their heads. But even still, this game was almost guaranteed to mess you up.
4God Of War
No Gods, No Masters
God of War (2005)
Titles are usually the biggest indicator to parents whether a game should be given the green light or not. Mainly because anything else would have required actual research. However, the title God of War is a pretty big tell.
This one was often vetoed by parents due to the excessive and relentless violence on offer from start to end, as you play as a bloodthirsty god-killer who is ready and willing to literally tear his enemies limb from limb.
Was it gory and visceral? Sure, you bet. But it was also one of the finest hack-and-slash titles produced on the PS2, leading to a phenomenal trilogy of titles following the trials and tribulations of Kratos. Plus, it wasn’t all about fighting. There were also brutal platforming sections, too.
It was essentially a game out to showcase the brutal nature of Greek mythology in all its glory, complete with murder, betrayal, sex, and one of the angriest dudes in gaming history with nothing but revenge on his mind. In short, Kratos isn’t exactly a great role model for your kid.
3Mortal Kombat
Get Over Here!
Mortal Kombat (1992)
It’s pretty hard to ‘Finish Him’ when your parents won’t even allow you to put in the disc and get started on your violent endeavors.
This has been a long-running theme with the Mortal Kombat franchise, as parents have long hated this series for its visceral and over-the-top executions and finishers. Essentially, it takes the gameplay of classics like Street Fighter and Tekken, then adds gore for shock value.
However, credit where it’s due. This series is one of the most famous and long-running franchises in gaming for a reason, as the gameplay and tactical combat are up there with the best in the business.
There’s nothing like taking someone’s spine and pulling it right out of their body. But most kids back in 1992 wouldn’t have enjoyed such a bloody and brutal luxury.
Rip & Tear!
Doom (1993)
While many games over the years have been able to drum up a fair amount of satanic panic, if we’re being real with ourselves, we all know that they all live in the shadow cast by the original DOOM.
Games of this era were pretty primitive, making it hard to really get the whole world to collectively gasp, but DOOM managed to do it by allowing players to literally blast the demons of hell to kingdom come in an FPS game where standing still was essentially a death wish.
The game encouraged perpetual motion and non-stop violence. A theme that has remained throughout every DOOM game since.
Just picture it. In an era of classic Mario and Zelda, DOOM came along with pentagrams and guns galore, offering anyone who would play a personal gateway to hell. It was always going to cause a stir, and that it did.
1Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Piping Hot Coffee
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
If you took a poll of all parents, even today, and asked them, ‘What game are your kids not allowed to play above all others?’. They would say GTA.
Really, you could choose any GTA game across any console era you like, as crime, violence, anti-police rhetoric, drugs, sex and gang culture have been present in all titles in the franchise. But, San Andreas stands alone as the most-hated in my eyes.
This was for all the reasons above, but with the added caveat of the Hot Coffee scandal that effectively allowed you to get down and dirty with CJ’s girlfriend. Which, naturally, sent the middle-aged mothers and fathers into hysterics.
It’s hard to argue against GTA being banned in just about any household with children, as it presents everything that can potentially steal the innocence of a child in seconds flat. But, even still, it’s one of the best sandbox games of all time, and if you’re like me, you probably found a way to play anyway.
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